Friday, February 10, 2012

Marriage


Marriage - now am at a stage where my family have started looking for a bride for me. As the search is on, I thought I would record what I feel about it. Word marriage triggers couple of questions.

Whether I like to be married to be or not? - Well the answer is irrelevant, it is something that I can't certainly ignore or run away from. And I have face to it.

Whether am scared of marriage? - Hell, yeah very much scared. New family, New relation and above all responsibility of managing a family will I be able to do it??. Big question mark looms.. only time will tell.

So am trying to get mentally prepared for it. I don't have control over on who will god send to accompany me. So one thing I can do is try to be a ideal husband to whomever who will be joining me. So now the question what makes an ideal husband. Well, everybody would have their opinions and I have mine too. For every girl, their first hero will be her father, according to me an ideal husband would be a person who would be sitting alongside father in girl's heart. Now, how can I do it?. Hmm, I think if I can follow these points, may be I will have a good chance.

1. Respect her privacy
Yes..she is a wife and there shouldn't be any secrets between husband and wife. But it shouldn't happen in forcible manner. Trust should be built in way that she shares all the things. Till the trust is build, respecting her privacy is key. First she is a Ms.'X' and then Mrs.ME, so it is very important to understand this and give Ms.'X' that private space she needs.

2. Respect her interest
I may not be interested in something that she likes/loves. She might like painting which I may completely dislike. But it is very important for me not to belittle or demean her interests. Continuous ridiculing of her interests might lead to bad consequences.

3. Respect her financial independence
Whether she is working or not, she should have freedom to spend the money the way she is used to do before marriage. She shouldn't feel the need to go through approval process suddenly after marriage.

4. Respect her thoughts & opinion
Since she is wife, it doesn't mean that she has to agree with me on all the things. She can view things from a different perspective from what I view. It is very important to look from her view too and sort out matters instead of fighting on differences.

5. Respect her feelings
Sometimes for us a relation could be meaningless because of the person who made the relation. For example a teacher, for me a teacher had not any particular impact in my life. But for her a teacher could be the one who made her what she is. Since i didn't get a good teacher doesn't mean every teacher is like that. I as a person/husband should understand this difference and respect the feelings/affection she has towards the person/things that she values/loves.

6. Respect her Family, Friends
Though she has physically left her family, friends to come to partner me, the affection she would have towards her family, friends will remain intact forever. So it is very important for me to treat her family and friends the same way she would treat them.

By saying all this am not saying am the purest soul on the earth. There is mile difference between just writing down and following. Am pretty sure most of guys who got married wanted to follow these. Despite their best efforts, following these could have been difficult due to situations that they might have encountered. It also hugely depends on who would have partnered them. It is like going to exam well-prepared, whether you pass or fail depends on question paper that comes your way. So being well-prepared can only reduce the probability of failure and no way guarantee success. Am trying to be prepared and whether am able to follow this or not, only time will tell :-). However noting down these to record my thoughts before marriage, so i can revisit later to see if am following these.

Buckling up and hoping for the best :-)

23 comments:

  1. Affirmative!!! Guts required to upload / share. That's why you are addressed as covaiVEERAN ? ;)

    NOTE: Don't delete this topic later :p

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  2. Thanks machi.. on deleting the topic.. i can't guarantee that.. ha ha :)

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  3. Replies
    1. Nandri Machi..good luck to you too :)

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  4. Replies
    1. hmm.. ennamo poo.. nee sonna seri dhan :-)

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  5. Good Srini, and many many best wishes for you! Having thought about it and decided on few points is itself very nice Srini!
    I like Loganathan's note! hehe

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    Replies
    1. romba nandri Grace...unga wish definitely needed for me to clear the exam :-).

      On Log's note - I can't guarantee that I will not be deleting this.. only time will tell..hehe :)

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  6. srini i really very proud to have you as my brother, most of the guys nowdays do not follow this, i request you to try to follow this in your life and make the girl to follow the same.... and for sure your life would be most beautiful than any other's my prayers are always with you

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    Replies
    1. :).yep. will try to follow..but pakkalam what it is install for me'nu :)

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  7. as a sister, i will give u a guarantee, tat we would make good girl as partner, who suits you

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  8. Srini...Super da!!!The most important point here I would say is give respect to her family and it is applicable to girl also..if it happens I'm pretty sure your mariage life would be happy and peaceful :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Machi.. and Thanks for the advice too :)

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    2. agree with thiru :-)

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  9. Agreed with all the points. Respect is the word, change it to "expect" and it leads to disaster

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  10. Well.. you asked me for it.. so, don't blame/curse me.. !!!

    What I like :
    Most imp... that you have thought about marriage... and even more imp... that you have expressed it

    The 5 points you have expressed are something that every guy would agree, even if not acknowledge openly.. :)

    If there was one person who would 'suit' the institution of marriage... wouldn't that be YOU ???.. you can take a vote.. and quote me on that too !!!

    What I would like you to 'improvise' upon:
    The approach... Marriage is an 'important' phase but not 'mandatory'... Nothing to be 'scared of' but everything to be 'serious about'... Life is full of choices and you have one in your partner too.. How do you if you have selected the 'right one' ?.. well, lets just say 'You will KNOW!!!', just that you will have to trust your instincts... after-all nature first provided us instincts and then knowledge.. :)

    About the 5 points... it is a mutual thing. ONE way is never the HAPPY way. Life is full of compromises and Marriage should be one of those 'HAPPY' ones.

    My only 'additional' suggestion... in Marriage as well as in Life... let your Brain filter a bunch of advices, from which your heart makes the best of choices.. ;)

    Any more I comment for this... it will look like my own blog.. so, let me stop here.. :))

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Keerthi...."Nothing to be 'scared of' but everything to be 'serious about'" - this part I like very much.. and I hope my instincts guide me to correct place :-)

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    2. I agree with "Marriage is an 'important' phase but not 'mandatory'".. Love matters.. find that in your partner.. u will be happy..

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    3. Thanks for commenting and advice :-). But can I know who is this ? :-)

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  11. ha ha ha ha..
    edhanaiye munnorgal - 'Edukan varunkaal Naguga" yendru kooriyulanar.

    'Marriage' as a global and standlone stance means - piece of cake..you could define it with simple words like love, understanding and your other adjectives... But marriage as south indian hindu traditional middle class single boy to a nuclear family emerging since 1970's (i still consider you as boy compared to me :-)means its more overhead than running a big company or nation..
    Your perspective will change..other perspective of you will change..
    but what to do.. LKG is easy..but you can't continue to stay there..you have to move to UKG.. same way..indian bachelor life is peaceful (nilalin arumai veyila dhaan theriyum) but you have to move on to next stage..

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    Replies
    1. Nandri Satha :-) .. Heh heh..pakkalam.. ellam andavan seiyal :)

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