Marriage

Marriage - now am at a stage where my family have started looking for a bride for me. As the search is on, I thought I would record what I feel about it. Word marriage triggers couple of questions.

Whether I like to be married to be or not? - Well the answer is irrelevant, it is something that I can't certainly ignore or run away from. And I have face to it.

Whether am scared of marriage? - Hell, yeah very much scared. New family, New relation and above all responsibility of managing a family will I be able to do it??. Big question mark looms.. only time will tell.

So am trying to get mentally prepared for it. I don't have control over on who will god send to accompany me. So one thing I can do is try to be a ideal husband to whomever who will be joining me. So now the question what makes an ideal husband. Well, everybody would have their opinions and I have mine too. For every girl, their first hero will be her father, according to me an ideal husband would be a person who would be sitting alongside father in girl's heart. Now, how can I do it?. Hmm, I think if I can follow these points, may be I will have a good chance.

1. Respect her privacy
Yes..she is a wife and there shouldn't be any secrets between husband and wife. But it shouldn't happen in forcible manner. Trust should be built in way that she shares all the things. Till the trust is build, respecting her privacy is key. First she is a Ms.'X' and then Mrs.ME, so it is very important to understand this and give Ms.'X' that private space she needs.

2. Respect her interest
I may not be interested in something that she likes/loves. She might like painting which I may completely dislike. But it is very important for me not to belittle or demean her interests. Continuous ridiculing of her interests might lead to bad consequences.

3. Respect her financial independence
Whether she is working or not, she should have freedom to spend the money the way she is used to do before marriage. She shouldn't feel the need to go through approval process suddenly after marriage.

4. Respect her thoughts & opinion
Since she is wife, it doesn't mean that she has to agree with me on all the things. She can view things from a different perspective from what I view. It is very important to look from her view too and sort out matters instead of fighting on differences.

5. Respect her feelings
Sometimes for us a relation could be meaningless because of the person who made the relation. For example a teacher, for me a teacher had not any particular impact in my life. But for her a teacher could be the one who made her what she is. Since i didn't get a good teacher doesn't mean every teacher is like that. I as a person/husband should understand this difference and respect the feelings/affection she has towards the person/things that she values/loves.

6. Respect her Family, Friends
Though she has physically left her family, friends to come to partner me, the affection she would have towards her family, friends will remain intact forever. So it is very important for me to treat her family and friends the same way she would treat them.

By saying all this am not saying am the purest soul on the earth. There is mile difference between just writing down and following. Am pretty sure most of guys who got married wanted to follow these. Despite their best efforts, following these could have been difficult due to situations that they might have encountered. It also hugely depends on who would have partnered them. It is like going to exam well-prepared, whether you pass or fail depends on question paper that comes your way. So being well-prepared can only reduce the probability of failure and no way guarantee success. Am trying to be prepared and whether am able to follow this or not, only time will tell :-). However noting down these to record my thoughts before marriage, so i can revisit later to see if am following these.

Buckling up and hoping for the best :-)

Trip to Banner Elk, NC

The Gang (Adults- Sibi, Suni, Grace, Albert & Me. Kids - Sanya, Hani & Alvin) - Who made the trip - in front of Cabin House, where we stayed.
It all started when my friend Albert asked if I want to join him, his wife Grace and their 2 lovely sons (Hani, Alvin) for a Trip to Banner Elk, NC to stay in cabin for 3 days and roam around the places nearby the cabin. I said 'yes' immediately as both of them have been my long time friends and invite me where ever they go :). We had been on many many trips together in US (most memorable being Orlando, Florida in 2007) and it has been always fun. So there was no second thoughts when question was put forth to me. We started on Oct 7 Friday morning 7AM from Atlanta. Albert's friend Sibi's family (his wife Suni and their lovely daughter Sanya) also joined us. It was 6 hrs drive from Atlanta to the Cabin located in Banner Elk, North Carolina. Cabin House was amidst a jungle and as it was fall time in US, the trees were beginning to show their 'true' colors. Wow Wonderful sight it was !!

One such view from behind the Cabin House --

Seeing that I got a (mokkai !?) thought. But anyways if I don't record it who will record it :-)

"When trees change color, world becomes beautiful
When people change color, world becomes miserable"

eppadi ok'va?? .. :-)

Colors on Trees and Hills were compensating the lack of colors on the road :-). It was a very beautiful scenic drive through hills to reach the cabin house. However as we were reaching the Cabin , we had to withstand 1.5 miles of dusty road (yes you read it right, DUSTY road in U.S for 1.5 miles !!!!). We reached around the Cabin 5PM EST. On reaching the house, all were tired (not sure why I was tired as I was just sitting and sleeping in the car, probably seeing others get tired I got it too :-)) so we decided to restrict ourselves to the cabin. And that laid the platform for a fun night with kids Alvin, Hani & Sanya. It started with cycling with Alvin, racing up and down the slope in his 'McQueen' cycle. Then as it got darker, the scene shifted to indoors, playing word games with Hani, Sanya where a person needs to guess a word based on the clues given by other person. Later it became a game between adults. Albert, Grace, Sibi, Suni were answering the question that I was asking :-). As the game ended, curtains came down on day 1 of the trip

Me playing games with Sanya, Alvin, Hani. Albert trying to master a 'Monopoly' game :-)
Day -2, the plan was to go to Mystery Hill & Grand Father Mountain (Biggest attraction of NC). Day-2 started for me with Alvin explaining in his malalai 'Tamil' his plans on what he is going to do that day. And how is going to travel to India (?!) with his friends (and his friends list included me too !!) and come back to Atlanta that day itself (Kids can do anything isn't it ??) . We were talking for about 20 mins. His malalai Tamil is something you can keep on hearing. 5000 yrs ago Tamil Scholar Thollkappiar had instituted the grammar for Tamil but without knowing to read, write Tamil Alvin has instituted a different grammar for Tamil through his malalai 'Tamil' which is sweeter than original Tamil. Good Job Alvin :-). And we had to end our conservation as we have to move onto Mystery Hill.

Onto Mystery Hill - Mystery Hill was just a house which was built in a way that gravity acts on us at 45 degrees. Again it was fun playing with Sanya & Hani inside the mystery hill. And I have to say I admire the marketing strategy of the Americans what seemingly simple things are being wrapped in attractive manner and presented in a way we enjoy it. Mystery Hill is also one such place where thought & marketing matters !!

Me & Sibi at Mystery Hill... (Sanya & Hani crawling not able to withstand Gravity :-))


Next stop was Grandfather Mountain. As we drove down, we couldn't take our eyes of the road. What beautiful houses, What beautiful locations OMG !!!. We had our cameras clicking and handycams running continuously till we reached Grand Father Mountain.

One such breath taking house ---- I wish I had one such house (Kanna!!, aasai irrukkalam paeraasai irrukka kudathu .. :-))

The highlight of Grandfather Mountain was the swinging bridge. Wow !! what a view it was from the bridge, which was 1 mile from sea level. I have never seen such a beautiful sight. Unfortunately, since we had our camera's & handycam's running continuously, by the time we reached the top, batteries ran out on all of them and we had to content with pictures from our cell phones. With that ended 'outside' trip time for day 2 and we headed back to Cabin for 'indoor' trip time which was the most enjoyable part :).

Grand Father Mountain View - Nature's Magic with Colors.. Nature is a Great Artist isn't it??
Again it was back to Hani, Sanya & Alvin. This night it was Question night, where I had to ask questions to Hani & Sanya. They were in 2nd grade and so I have stoop down to their level and ask questions. Believe it or not it was difficult to ask simple questions. But I think i managed it well, because both were excited in answering my questions (which they did very well answering almost 95% of questions that I asked) and were eager for more questions. I also got a compliment from Sanya saying I can be 'School teacher' :-), so I have a job if the software industry dumps me :). I also got a nick name from Sanya - 'Milk', probably she knows that I was as white as Milk in my heart and gave me that nick name and you know kids don't lie :-). With such good compliments ended Day -2 :-)

On Day-3, the plan was to go to blowing Rock and then head back to Atlanta. I still don't understand why they called it blowing rock probably another marketing technique by Americans, there was nothing 'blowing' in the rock :-). Again, the scenic view that we could see was Mind blowing.

View from Blowing rock - What a view !!... There is no limits to beauty of mother Nature
With that ended the trip and we headed back to Atlanta after having lunch in a 'HongKong Restaurant' where Frog legs was also part of the menu. Yuck !!!. Is there anything these Chinese guys don't eat....???

On the overall, I enjoyed the indoor part of the trip more than outdoor trip. Playing with kids was the only thing I had to do which I always love :-). I did try to get more task allocated to me. Knowing about my driving skills (though I have a DL), I didn't dare to ask Albert if I can help him in driving. But I did ask Grace if I can help her in kitchen, but she 'smartly' declined probably she knew about my cooking skill. But wait.. how come ?? she hasn't tasted (or suffered) my cooking yet. But somehow she judged it correctly and didn't want to take a chance. Fair Enough :-). So I was just doing primary task "Playing with kids" and the great thing was kids was also enjoying. Alvin and Hani, I have been playing with them for years so no surprises with them, but Sanya was a new kid whom I met in this trip and she was enjoying my company too, asking me for a question every time, even gave a nick name to me. At the end, it felt very good when her mother Suni said to me that "Sanya doesn't get attached to 'new guys' easily but she got attached to you" :-) (Ennamo irrukku machi unkitta :-)). It is always a pleasure to see and make kids smile :-).

To sum it up, it was yet another memorable & enjoyable trip with Albert, Grace & Co. Thanks to Albert & Grace for arranging and having me :-). And special thanks to kuttis Alvin, Hani & Sanya for keeping me entertained and occupied. Thanks to Sibi & Suni too for being accommodative, Hope we go on another such trip sooner :-)

HINDI - National Language of India ??

Ok.. my first post in English. Letz see how it goes :). It is a topic that I have discussed in length and breath with most of my friends and always had fun discussing it :). Is HINDI a National Language of India or can it be called as a National Language of India or is there really something called National Language ?.

My answer was/is/will be always a BIG 'NO'.

Hindi is not a National Language of India and infact as per constitution there is nothing called as National Language.

Let me try to break myth surrounding this !!

Myth/Argument No #1: We have a National animal, National Game, National Flower, National Anthem why not National Language

Idea of giving "National" tag is to either bring awareness to people or create a sense of identity. For example, Lion was named the National Animal of India after independence. But due to dwindling population of Tigers. Tiger was made national animal of India to create awareness among the people about the Tigers and save it from extinction. National Anthem, Flower was to create a sense of identity. You can't categorize "Language" under both the categories. Hindi cannot be used as identity for Indians because it will look as if every Indian to be Indian will have to know Hindi and which is absurd. If a person who is living in remote India (say example in remote Karnataka, Tamil Nadu etc) has his own language to communicate with his/her society or people, why does he/she need Hindi??and if Hindi is made as National Language and he/she doesn't know Hindi, he/she will be labeled/harassed as non-Indian. Will it be fair on him/her and do we need that??.

Please see link below in India Government. There is no National Language :)
http://india.gov.in/knowindia/national_symbols.php

Also, quoting Tamil Nadu ex-CM Mr. C.N. Annadurai famous Parliamentary speech

"While countering the arguments that Hindi is spoken by most number of people, He replied if that is the case, Rat should be the national animal and crow should be national bird. He cleared his stand by saying. National symbols define the culture of the country. We are not objecting that hindi should not be made the national language of the country. We accept that it represents the culture of section of India, but not the whole. If Hindi is made as the national language, every other major language should be made the national language of India. ".

Myth/Argument No #2: Most People in India know Hindi, so it has to be National Language so that everybody can communicate easily and will help India growthIt is yet another dumb argument. Hindus are majority in India does that make Hindu to be National Religion of India??. Definitely No. This argument is similar to that. Also, out of the 28 states and 7 UTs, 10 States and 3 UTs use Hindi as one of the Official Languages. This still leaves the majority (18 states, 4 UTs) beyond their ambit. India is not a country of single culture/tradition/language. India is known for multi-cultural, multi-faceted people. Picking out a single language from among 22 official languages spoken in India and terming it as National language or wanting it to be termed as National Language is disgrace to other languages spoken and is against the 'UNITY in DIVERSITY' Concept of India. Countries like Singapore (Chinese, Malay and Tamil), Malaysia (Malay and Tamil), Switzerland (Romansh, Italian, French, and English) has more than one official languages and and doesn't have any problem and all are well developed countries. Also, one of the main reasons for the civil war in Sri Lanka is the Sinhala only act 1956 which gives importance to Sinhala at the expense of Tamil. Will that need to happen in India?? why some people are obsessed saying Hindi has to be National Language of India and all should know Hindi??
Myth/Argument No #3: Constitution Says Hindi is National Language

Constitution Says Hindi is official Language not National Language

DIFFERENCE between National and Official Language:
NATIONAL LANGUAGE: Defines the people of the nation, culture, history.
OFFICIAL LANGUAGE: A language that is used for official communication

Here is details on the constitution part of it
Article 343: This defines Hindi in devangari script and English to be the "OFFICIAL LANGUAGES" of union govt.
http://www.astro.virginia.edu/~sk4zw/india-const/p17343.html

So English and Hindi can be used as communication language between governments and states. It was never mentioned that it will be a National Language.

Even in High Courts and Parliament, a person can speak in any official language it is not must for him to know Hindi. See below for language to be used in courts
http://www.astro.virginia.edu/~sk4zw/india-const/p17348.html

Article 345: This gives the State govt., power to decide its own "OFFICIAL LANGUAGE"
http://www.astro.virginia.edu/~sk4zw/india-const/p17345.html

While a National language by default can become the Official language, an Official language has to be APPROVED legally to become the National language. All languages spoken in India, starting from the most populous to the least are our national languages, because all of them define the people of this nation, culture and their history collectively.

Myth/Argument No #4: When English needs to be mandatory, Why not Hindi??My answer would be English will be gateway to world whereas Hindi might be helpful if I move of the state. But I intend to stay in my state there is no use of me learning Hindi. English has been medium of education for science related information or knowledge right from days of British's rule. So it makes sense for me to 'compulsorily' learn the English which will help understand the technology surrounding and will be useful in doing professional courses as English is only source of medium in India for professional courses. And as all of us know, backbone of India IT market is our English skills and we don't want to break that by demeaning English.
I hope I had broken all the myths surrounding HINDI being a National Language. When I argue like this, people think that am against Hindi, I hate Hindi, am not patriotic. The fact is am against 'mandatory' imposion of Hindi in a state which doesn't require Hindi. I don't mind people learning if needed. For example, if I had to settle in U.P or M.P which is Hindi-dominant area, I need to know Hindi and I will have to learn it to survive there. I will learn Hindi then. But not in T.N where Tamil is more than enough. Everybody needs to be given freedom to learn the language based on their needs.

Finally I will submit my case of how HINDI IS NOT THE NATIONAL LANGUAGE quoting Gujarat High Court order

"But the court asked whether there was any notification saying Hindi is India's national language, for it's an ``official language'' of this country. No notification ever issued by the government could be produced before the court in this regard. This is because the Constitution has given Hindi the status of the official language and not the national language.

The court concluded that the rules have specific provisions for manufacturers that particulars of declaration should be in Hindi in Devanagari script or in English, and it's their prerogative to use English. Therefore, no mandamus can be issued on manufacturers or governments for giving details or particulars of package in Hindi."

http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2010-01-25/india/28148512_1_national-language-official-language-hindi

Every Language/Religion/Community in India is equally important irrespective of the amount of people within the community. Everything has it is own uniqueness, beauty. Tagging any one of them as 'NATIONAL' is an insult/disgrace to the others. In my opinion, Imposing all to learn one language, imposing all to follow one religion, imposing all to follow one culture is same. Lets us not support people who are trying to do that. Lets respect India the way it has been always "DIVERSIFIED, YET UNIFIED" !!